That’s (Not) So Gay: A Rant

I don’t usually do angry rants. I’m not usually super angry. Today I’ll make an exception.

So, here’s how my math class went the other day:

Meathead #1: This pen is so GAY!

Me: (pissed) It can’t be gay! You have to have a brain (or other central nervous system) in order to be gay!

Meathead #2: No, not gay, gay. Gay like mentally retarded gay.

Me: So you’re saying gay people are mentally retarded?

At this point in similar conversations, the other person usually launches into a string of, “No! No, I don’t mean that! I love people! I know this gay guy! He’s great!” Instead, this is what happened:

Meathead #2: Yeah!

Me: Waiwaiwait. You’re saying gay people are mentally retarded?

Meathead #2: Well, no, just…I’m just anti-homo. I think homos can do whatever they want, but it’s disgusting. Like, you think lesbians are disgusting, right?

Meathead #3: I have no problems with lesbians…if they’re hot!

(Neanderthal high-fives and chuckles abound)

Me: What a horrible, sexist, homophobic thing to say! How can you be so totally sheltered and stupid?!

Biblical Meathead: The bible says we shouldn’t be gay.

Me: The bible also says don’t get haircuts…

Biblical Meathead: Actually, my hair grows like this naturally.

(Neanderthal high-fives and chuckles abound)

Then they all sat and laughed at me, the stupid girl who decided to have a conscience and not skip around smearing on lip gloss and shoving my boobs into their faces. You know, like girls are supposed to?

Nobody expects girls to have political ideas at my school. Boys wear Obama pins, anti-war buttons, political bumper stickers, but when i do it, I’m branded as the shrill feminazi who all the boys mock and objectify so that they can feel more powerful.

Well, here’s a newsflash, dudes: You are powerful. You are rich, white, Christian, conservative, straight guys, and you’re popular. You freaking rule the Western world. I’m not sure why you feel you have to make women and black people and gays into little jokes when you can have pretty much every single opportunity you want in the world. But it’s still not enough. What the hell, guys? I mean, really. You are not oppressed by feminism. You are not oppressed by black people. Homosexuality isn’t contagious. You can stop building up barriers of intolerance and smug self-satisfaction.

I guess in the end it must be fear. For the last, what, two thousand years? People like them have lived on top of the other people below them. Now we’re catching up. We’re gaining equality, and some of these guys can’t deal.

Hopefully, they’ll mature. Maybe not. I really don’t know.

But you know the funny thing? This scenario happened twice in one day.

Hurrah for the future of America.



3 Responses to “That’s (Not) So Gay: A Rant”

  1. Conservatives, and especially the (ultra) orthodox–the ones who own all the world’s corporate boardrooms, the media conglomerates, the executive branch, the judiciary, and almost nearly the house and senate: pretty much every pillar and seat of power–they have the game rigged by every means available and they’re still pissed off. Listen to Fox News (or better yet, don’t! but you get my meaning), all they do is rant and rave. What else could they possibly want? Karl Rove once said something to the effect that until they could be assured of controlling things in perpetuity they won’t be satisfied. So, sister, just because they are male and WASPy and privileged and good-looking and whatever else, it’s never enough! It’s a perversion of human nature. And if they’re Christian, they are about as far from Jesus as they could be. See ’em in hell!

  2. Sally Rebel Says:

    I just thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster that not all WASP-y conservative guys are like them. Just the ones at my school. Mostly.

  3. Well, that sounds like… um… fun…
    Geez, I’m glad to be British. Welsh to be exact. Do you hve any idea how much stick I get for being a patriotic, socialist-feminist? :S

    Thank the Lord for schools like mine. Where people’s opinions are welcomed. Yay. 😀

    xxxx Good luck!
    xxxx Amy x

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